Emotions

Ysmaille left for South Africa today, and I am truly so excited for him.  For 25 years he never left the island he was born on.  After we got married we travelled a little, but we haven't really done much travelling since our first child was born almost six years ago.  And he needed to do this.  I encouraged him to go.  But, oh, the emotions I am feeling!

Typically I am a very strong woman.  I handle what comes my way.  I may complain once in a while, but I usually put my "big girl panties" on and do what needs to be done.  I am actually quite good at balancing a career, my family, and all the other hats I wear.  But here is the thing.  I can only be good at those things because I've got an awesome support system.  Ysmaille is always cheering me on.  He believes in me.  I have a truly amazing husband.

And now he's gone.  And, yes, I realize it's only for a week.  But. I. Can't. Stop. Crying.  I honestly think it's because he is going out of the country.  I think it feels like our long-distance relationship all over again.  That was such a painful time.  For two years I lived in the States and he lived in Haiti.  We only saw each other three times a year- for a few days or a week at a time.  Even during our year-long engagement I only saw him twice.  It was absolutely tortuous to get on that plane and know that it would likely be three or four months before I would see him again.  We only talked on the phone once a week for an hour or so, and relied on e-mail for the majority of our communication. 

And you know what the really weird thing is, and I literally just now realized this? I am living in the same house I was then.  Before I got married, my dad owned this house and I rented him from it with two wonderful roommates.  Years later, Ysmaille and I moved in and bought the house.  And I hardly ever even remember that I lived here as a single person.  But I did.  And the empty bed I'm going to sleep in tonight will be in the same room, in the exact same place, that I would sometimes cry myself to sleep eleven years ago, because my heart ached to be with the man I loved.

I know things will look better in the morning.  And I know people have much harder situations than this.  But for right now, in this moment, I just cannot get over the fact that I miss my husband.  I'm never one to wish time away, but I hope this week goes by so quickly. 

On a lighter note, since I have the TV to myself does anyone have any good recommendations for a movie?