My "Relaxing" Massage...

For my graduation present Mom and Dad gave me a gift certificate to Warm Springs Day Spa. That was all the way back in May and I just never got around to using it. It was one of things where you know if you use it you won't have that luxury again for awhile so you just want to save it. Last week I made an appointment for Saturday. I thought I could use a little pampering before returning to school.

At 2:47 my massage began and it was glorious! About 10 minutes into I suddently thought, "Oh no! I have no idea when I last shaved." With having a newborn at home, shaving somehow didn't make it the top of my to-do list. I figured it probably hadn't been more than 2 or 3 days, and that probably wasn't the worst they've seen.

I was able to relax until I thought, "Oh no! I am going to have to turn over and she is going to see that I buy my underwear in packs of five at Target." How embarassing.

As I turned face down and put my head in the hole I willed myself not to drool. For some reason I've been a drooling machine lately. In fact, the other day I took a nap with my adorable baby girl and she woke up with drool on her face. Not hers. Mine! What kind of a mother am I?

I was able to control my drooling, but then another terrible thought crossed my mind... What happens if my breasts start to leak? After all I haven't laid on my stomache in almost a year. First because I was pregnant, and now because breastfeeding has taken over my life.

The next thing you know the massage therapist said, "Okay, Melanie. Thank you. Take your time getting dressed and I'll meet you in the hall." Wait! It's over already? I looked at the clock and sure enough... it was 3:37. Fifty minutes had passed. I think next time I'll use my certificate to get a pedicure. So much less to worry about.

Our Sweet Baby Girl

Nothing could have prepared me for this love I have for Amirah. I love her with a fierce love-- a love different from how I love Ysmaille. I know it is my job to protect her, to intercede for her, to love her unconditionally. Each morning when I pick her up out of her crib my heart melts like I am seeing her for the first time. When she stretches and makes her screeching noise I have to stop what I'm doing just to pick her up and snuggle. It's an impulse I am unable to control. At least once a day I look at Ysmaille and marvel to him about absolutely perfect our little girl is.

When I think about going back to work I am so conflicted. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can still be a great mom and work full-time, but it is hard to think of someone else seeing her firsts-- first giggle, first roll-over, first steps. I keep thinking that God knows how important that is to me and maybe he'll reserve those moments for a time when I am with her. Whether to stay at home or not is a choice that every mom must make. This was the choice I made and it is the right one for our family. One thing for sure, I will treasure every moment I have with my little princess.

My greatest prayer for her life is that she knows who she is at a young age. Although I want her to be proud of her earthly heritage-- part American, part Haitian, it is even more important to me that she know her place in the Kingdom. I pray daily that she won't have to go through the same struggles as Ysmaille and I did. I want her to be confident in who she is as a child of the Most High. One of the reasons we chose the name Amirah is because it means princess, for she is truly a child of the King!