Ysmaille left for South Africa today, and I am truly so excited for him. For 25 years he never left the island he was born on. After we got married we travelled a little, but we haven't really done much travelling since our first child was born almost six years ago. And he needed to do this. I encouraged him to go. But, oh, the emotions I am feeling!
Typically I am a very strong woman. I handle what comes my way. I may complain once in a while, but I usually put my "big girl panties" on and do what needs to be done. I am actually quite good at balancing a career, my family, and all the other hats I wear. But here is the thing. I can only be good at those things because I've got an awesome support system. Ysmaille is always cheering me on. He believes in me. I have a truly amazing husband.
And now he's gone. And, yes, I realize it's only for a week. But. I. Can't. Stop. Crying. I honestly think it's because he is going out of the country. I think it feels like our long-distance relationship all over again. That was such a painful time. For two years I lived in the States and he lived in Haiti. We only saw each other three times a year- for a few days or a week at a time. Even during our year-long engagement I only saw him twice. It was absolutely tortuous to get on that plane and know that it would likely be three or four months before I would see him again. We only talked on the phone once a week for an hour or so, and relied on e-mail for the majority of our communication.
And you know what the really weird thing is, and I literally just now realized this? I am living in the same house I was then. Before I got married, my dad owned this house and I rented him from it with two wonderful roommates. Years later, Ysmaille and I moved in and bought the house. And I hardly ever even remember that I lived here as a single person. But I did. And the empty bed I'm going to sleep in tonight will be in the same room, in the exact same place, that I would sometimes cry myself to sleep eleven years ago, because my heart ached to be with the man I loved.
I know things will look better in the morning. And I know people have much harder situations than this. But for right now, in this moment, I just cannot get over the fact that I miss my husband. I'm never one to wish time away, but I hope this week goes by so quickly.
On a lighter note, since I have the TV to myself does anyone have any good recommendations for a movie?