Sunday, July 14, 2013

Inadequacy and worship

Ysmaille's schedule makes it really hard to go to church.  He usually ends up leaving half-way through the service.  Today he just stayed home to have his own time with God.  I took the two kiddos.  I spent the first part of worship just feeling sorry for myself as I chased my two precious children around the church.  I was mad at Ysmaille for not coming (even though I knew his reasons were legitimate).  I was feeling frustrated with my children.  At one point I seriously considered just leaving.  Then I looked at my beautiful friend on stage who has recently started writing these amazing worship songs.  I just felt so inadequate.  I talked to God about it, giving him my cares and burdens and He asked me what I did to worship Him.  What made me fulfilled and happy?  I thought about all the fun I've had this summer making crafts with the kids and getting new ideas for my classroom.  "But, God, that isn't worship," I said.  "There is nothing spiritual about it."  He reminded me that those things bring joy to myself and the children in my life.  When I use the talents he gave me that is my worship to Him.
Minutes later, a friend came by to chat.  After a few minutes he said simply, "You are a good mom."  I burst into tears.  His words breathed new life into my soul.  Being a mom is my highest calling right now and when Ysmaille isn't around I am outnumbered and often feel overwhelmed.  I left church with a totally new outlook on life. In the midst of my inadequacies I met Jesus today.  I worship the King who takes my human flaws and redeems them!

1 comment:

  1. Being a Mom is the hardest, yet the most rewarding job there is! I love your honesty and your ability to write what's on your heart. You are a good Mom and what we do in our everyday life is worship to God. Love you!