Ysmaille's schedule makes it really hard to go to church. He usually ends up leaving half-way through the service. Today he just stayed home to have his own time with God. I took the two kiddos. I spent the first part of worship just feeling sorry for myself as I chased my two precious children around the church. I was mad at Ysmaille for not coming (even though I knew his reasons were legitimate). I was feeling frustrated with my children. At one point I seriously considered just leaving. Then I looked at my beautiful friend on stage who has recently started writing these amazing worship songs. I just felt so inadequate. I talked to God about it, giving him my cares and burdens and He asked me what I did to worship Him. What made me fulfilled and happy? I thought about all the fun I've had this summer making crafts with the kids and getting new ideas for my classroom. "But, God, that isn't worship," I said. "There is nothing spiritual about it." He reminded me that those things bring joy to myself and the children in my life. When I use the talents he gave me that is my worship to Him.
Minutes later, a friend came by to chat. After a few minutes he said simply, "You are a good mom." I burst into tears. His words breathed new life into my soul. Being a mom is my highest calling right now and when Ysmaille isn't around I am outnumbered and often feel overwhelmed. I left church with a totally new outlook on life. In the midst of my inadequacies I met Jesus today. I worship the King who takes my human flaws and redeems them!